How to Judge a Hotel
by DarkSoullessMoonlightX
Summary: "VOOOOOIIII! WHAT'S THE PASSWORD OF THE WIFI!" "S-sir, w-we don't have wifi..." "VOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIII!" One-shot! Rated T just in case


Story Status:Complete

Author Status: Hiatus due to school

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For the time being that the Varia would be staying in Japan, they checked in at some five-star hotel. Or so it said.

Anyway, there were two occupants in each room. Well, except for Xanxus of course, who'd flat-out refused to share a room with anyone. After all, he was the boss.

In the first room were Squalo and Mammon. Obviously, the shark could not stand Bel's 'princely rants', Lussuria's nagging like a mom, Levi's infatuation for the boss and absolutely loathed Fran's obnoxious utter lack of emotion and so, he got paired with the hooded illusionist. He decided to let the stupid boss have his way since he wanted to keep his precious hair therefore ending up with a roommate. Not that he minded though, it was the better setting.

Squalo could stand Mammon. At least the arcobaleno wouldn't try to annoy him every moment.

Scratch that. The other's annoyed him without trying.

The second pair consisted of Belphegor and Fran. Since Squalo and Mammon were taken already and Xanxus (not that anyone aside from Levi would want to be roommates with him) was out of the question, the only choices left were Bel, Levi and Lussuria. Levi wasn't hot with the idea of being roomies with a "retarded frog" and said frog had turned down the motherly one of the bunch.

That left him with Bel who did not at all mind the idea of being Fran's roommate for it meant he'd get to stab someone repeatedly.

Fran decided that it was better to get stabbed nearly every second than to be stuck in a room with a lightning pervert.

And so with that, leaves the third pair, Levi and Lussuria. Of course, Levi had gone against the idea and protested at first, saying that he had to be with the beloved boss but it really annoyed Xanxus who had ordered him to "just do it" and Levi wasn't known for disobeying his boss. Not that he had much of a choice from the beginning.

~Squalo and Mammon's room~

"Oi, Squalo," Mammon floated to him after unpacking. "Do you know the Wi-Fi password?" Squalo stopped for a moment, looking up from his luggage before shaking his head slowly. He hadn't thought that he wouldn't have known something so simple. Ah, well better to figure it out.

He walked through the door and looked through the peephole. A teenage boy on his phone was passing by. Naturally, when teenagers were on the phone, it meant they were on the web. _'Perfect,'_ thought Squalo.

The shark unlocked the door and stepped out. "VOOOIIII! YOU THERE!" Squalo yelled, pointing at the boy who was visibly shaking at the sudden attention. "WHAT'S THE PASSWORD OF THE WIFI?!" the cowering boy was trying to become part of the wallpaper and failing at doing so.

"T-they have no Wi-Fi..." the answer finally came when it was obvious that the boy was not going to be as flat as the wall anytime sooner.

"VOOOOOOIIIIIII! WHAT WAS THAT? NO WIFI? AND YOU CALL THIS PLACE A DAMN FIVE-STAR HOTEL?!" Squalo demanded.

The boy quickly scurried away while the long-haired dude was yelling his head off. A wise choice.

~Bel and Fran's room~

"Stop it already, senpai. Can't you even let me go to the bathroom without trying to make me flush your knives down the toilet bowl?" Fran said in a monotone.

"Do that and you'll get worse than that." Came the expected threat.

"Senpai, seriously? I'm just going to the bathroom."

"Hmm… fine," Bel snapped, "Give the knives to me." Fran obeyed, pulling the knives out of his back and throwing them to the prince.

He hopped of the bed and adjusted his hat before heading off to the bathroom. He made sure to lock the door before proceeding to do his business.

He made an illusionary magazine and started flipping through the pages while humming the tune of Special Illusion.

And then he suddenly heard a small noise. He looked up from the magazine and looked around the bathroom. "Bel-senpai, that's not funny, I'm trying to take a dump here."

However, the noise didn't stop. He looked down and saw a cockroach then sighed in relief. It was just a stupid bug. He went back to reading his magazine.

A little while later, he decided to see whether the cockroach had gone away already but to his utter horror, what he saw was the complete opposite. There was the cockroach, climbing the wall of the bathroom. _Up, up, up._ Fran gulped and silently prayed.

_Don't fly. Don't fly. Don't fly._

He watched as the roach climbed higher and looked just about ready to take flight. And he was still pooping.

_Don't fly. Don't fly. Don't fly._

The roach flew.

_Damn._

Not wanting to wait and see what would happen, Fran engulfed himself in thick mist and when the mist disappeared, Fran was gone, along with the toilet.

Fran and the toilet reappeared in the hotel room. Bel looked surprised to see him. "Fran?" the frog shook his head.

"There's a flying cockroach in the bathroom." Bel made his way to the bathroom and took out a knife.

"Look's like there's bug extermination needed here." The prince said this, entered and closed the door.

_Oya, oya. I didn't know that you were afraid of vermin, worthless student of mine? _A voice said in Fran's head. The boy just rolled his eyes at his master. _Maybe I should use them to make you listen to me._

_Shut up, Shisho. It was flying. No one wants it to fly into their mouth or even land on their face. I bet _you're _afraid of them._

_I've been to hell six times._

_Touché. _

~Levi and Lussuria's room~

Levi was calling the operator at the front desk. "Yes this is from room XXX why is there no computer?"

"Sir, only the suites have computers. The normal rooms don't have computers."

"How can I email the boss then?" he cried. Apparently, he wanted to use a computer to email his boss (which would just annoy him).

He hung up and Lussuria came out of the bathroom. "Levi," he said, "Take a bath or a shower. You stink." And Levi refused to do so.

"Oh but the boss will be VERY mad if you go to him smelling like a skunk." And that immediately changed Levi's mind.

There was no water in the bath. They called to complain about it and said someone would be going there to fix it very soon.

The definition of very soon was half an hour later.

"I'm sorry, sirs but the water pipe in your room is busted."

"What!" Levi cried. "Now boss will hate me!"

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Aaaaand it's done! This one-shot is just to let you all know that I'm not dead! I ran out of ideas when I got to Levi LOL. Anyway tell me how it is! I might edit this if I have time!

**REVIEWS.**


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